Tips From Stella Series #1 How to Get Wine (and Regret) Out of Upholstery
- Zee Zee Writer
- 20 hours ago
- 2 min read
So… you spilled wine on the couch. Or someone did. Or maybe it wasn’t wine. I don’t judge—I just clean. Let’s fix it before you have to explain it to a landlord, a priest, or your mother.
Step 1: Don’t Panic
Regret doesn’t come out with scrubbing. Blot—don’t rub. Get a clean towel and press. Hard. Like you’re trying to suffocate the mistake before it spreads.
Step 2: Club Soda Is Your Friend
If the wine’s red and the regret is fresh, hit it with club soda. Pour a little, blot, repeat. Keep going until your arm’s tired or the stain gives up.
Bonus tip: works on blood too. Hypothetically.
Step 3: White Vinegar + Dish Soap Cocktail
Mix one tablespoon of white vinegar and one tablespoon of clear dish soap in two cups of cold water. Dab it on like it’s a secret potion and blot like your rent depends on it.
Step 4: Cold Water Rinse, Then Air Dry
Once the stain’s mostly gone (or emotionally manageable), hit it with plain cold water to rinse out the cleaning mix. Blot again. Then walk away. Like a badass. Let it air dry and pretend nothing happened.
Step 5: Cover It With a Throw Pillow and Lie
Sometimes stains linger. So do bad decisions. That’s why God invented decorative pillows and plausible deniability.
Stella’s Final Word:
If it was white wine, congratulations—you’re probably still drinkable. If it was red, next time drink it over tile. Or better yet, don’t let anyone near your couch unless you’d trust them with your toothbrush.
Tips from Stella is a recurring series where Zee Zee’s fictional friend and occasional fixer dishes out practical advice for life’s messier moments. She’s not a domestic goddess—she’s a domestic realist with a mop in one hand and a beer in the other.
Use at your own risk.
— Zee Zee
